|This is the first G-rated short story I've written since joining the WSS contest on Good Reads.|
Whatever Wrestling Entertainment(As a parody of “United States of Whatever” by Liam Lynch.)Whatever Wrestling Entertainment by Garrison-Kelly
I went backstage after Monday Night Raw
Daniel Bryan comes up to me and he’s like,
“Stop eating so much meat all the time!”
And I’m like, “Whatever!”
And then I went to the catering table
Dean Ambrose comes at me with a switchblade and he’s like,
“I’m going to cut you up and put you in a bowl of chili!”
And I’m like, “Whatever!”
And then I’m in the locker room
Renee Young comes up to me with a microphone and she’s like,
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time…”
And I’m like, “Whatever!”
‘Cause this is my Whatever Wrestling Entertainment!
And this is my Whatever Wrestling Entertainment!
So I’m in the ring cutting a promo for Thursday Night Smackdown
The audience is like,
“We want Lana! (clap, clap, clap, clap, clap) We want Lana!
Bill of RightsIt’s your right to turn me downBill of Rights by Garrison-Kelly
But it’s my right to wear a frown
It’s your right to throw a drink in my face
But it’s my right to think it’s a waste
It’s your right to spray me in the eyes
But it’s my right to not act surprised
It’s your right to call the cops
But it’s my right to say when it stops
It’s your right to hire a bouncer
But it’s my right to show him my power
It’s your right to buy a gun
But it’s my right to turn and run
It’s your right to flee the country
But it’s my right to find it funny
All you know of me is my body type
My lack of social skills and media hype
Not one chance for someone like me
I’m no good for no one, so I just leave
Maybe one day I can be reincarnated
Into something that isn’t so easily hated
But for now all I’ll do is sit here and dream
Of the land of milk, honey, and cream
But utopia has always been a fictional place
We have the wasteland for o
ObselidiaMOVIE TITLE: ObselidiaObselidia by Garrison-Kelly
DIRECTOR: Diane Bell
RATING: PG-13 for language
George is a librarian who moonlights as a cataloguist for obsolete and nostalgic items, all of which he hopes to document for a book he’s putting together. He even goes so far as to believe love is obsolete and therefore leads the lonely life of being single. When he meets a beautiful projectionist named Sophie, she tries to get him to come out of his shell as the two of them venture to Death Valley to interview a climate change scientist for George’s book. The ideas of love and the apocalypse collide in a debate about how we should spend our last minutes on earth if they truly are that. Will George live the rest of his life in isolation or will he believe in the power of love humans can give each other? Does he have anything in his heart for Sophie?
The three major themes of this movie (living life to the fullest, romance, and nostalgia) intertwine perfectly with each
My past two journals weren’t very happy ones. On St. Patrick’s Day I suffered a schizophrenic attack and two days later I got bit by Nacho and was unable to walk because of it. That week was quite possibly the weirdest and least productive of 2015. Well, I’m here to tell you now that the week is over and a new day is on the horizon. I’ve recovered from the schizophrenic attack and my foot is healing nicely to the point where I can walk with minimal pain. It also helps that I won’t have to have rabies shots after all, so that’s extra nice.
As you can tell from my three newest Garrison’s Library entries, a clean bill of health means a newfound aggression when it comes to writing. All I can say now is there’s plenty more where that came from. In fact, why don’t I go ahead and close out this journal with some updates as to what my next writing projects shall be. We’ve got ears, say cheers!
***WEEKLY SHORT STORY CONTEST AND COMPANY***
Over the past few weeks, the admins of the group came up with prompts where I have to look up the word on either Wikipedia or Dictionary.com to find out what the fuck it means. Komorebi, Exsanguinations, Dog-Eared Paperbacks, and now Synesthesia. At least two of those words have red squiggly lines underneath when I type them in my word document. In all honesty, these are frustrating choices for prompts, but since I now know what they mean, I guess it’s not that bad. This week’s story will be called “Rat Rage” and it goes like this:
Cain McGee, Head Scientist
Chelsea Greendale, Lab Assistant
Zarbon Rushblade, Rat Warrior
PROMPT CONFORMITY: Hearing a bell ring brings back haunting memories of Zarbon’s captivity.
SYNOPSIS: Cain and Chelsea run an animal testing lab for a cosmetics company. Zarbon bolts into the lab and takes the two scientists hostage in an attempt to put an end to animal testing. Zarbon himself was a test subject and has PTSD from his time in captivity. Screwing with this axe-happy lunatic is ill-advised.
***UNEMPLOYED CHARACTER PROFILE***
Because I still have a low number of male villains, the next profile will feature Shivo Black, a demonic prison guard from a 2008 movie script called Tower of Hell, which was the sequel to Tower of Heaven (creative, huh). The Tower of Hell was a prison that housed the most dangerous criminals on the face of the earth. And yet, Shivo Black along with the warden Dr. Steve Naraku managed to be the most disturbed people in that facility. They were so nasty to their prisoners that the Tower of Hell had to be converted to a rehabilitation camp, which is much nicer by comparison.
***TELEVISION SHOW REVIEW***
Ever since getting a Hulu subscription, I’ve been revisiting a British cartoon from the early 80’s and early 90’s called Danger Mouse. It’s a nice piece of nostalgia since I watched it when I was a kid. Although I have to confess that the end credits scared me because of the bomb that went off afterwards. I don’t know why that would be upsetting to a six-year-old like me, but apparently it was. Now that I watch it as a 29-year-old, it’s not so bad and is actually quite enjoyable.
***AWKWARD BEHAVIOR STORY***
This next story really takes the cake. Except we’re not eating cake in this one; we’re eating frozen yogurt. Susan, Reina, and I all went to a frozen yogurt shop to enjoy a nice dessert. And then the sudden urge to blow my nose comes onto me. When I grab some napkins to do it, it’s not just a regular nose blow, but it’s an elephant blast in the middle of the fucking restaurant. Reina was so embarrassed that she started punching me in the arm. Susan was so embarrassed that she decided we had to leave after everyone was staring at us. I don’t know if this story tops the A&W Hotdog Eating Debacle, but it comes pretty fucking close.
***POLITICAL QUOTE OF THE DAY***
“America isn’t just the world’s police. America is the world’s Ferguson, Missouri police.”
Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage is available where e-books are sold. Although American Darkness and Brawl-Mart are both currently on the market, I request that you not purchase a copy of either until both are fully edited and cleaned up.|
Garrison’s Library: garrisonslibrary.blogspot.com/
Good Reads Author Profile: www.goodreads.com/author/show/…
Sitka: June 19th, 2014 Cat of the Day: catoftheday.com/archive/2014/J…
Q: How do you deal with writer’s block?
A: My favorite way to deal with writer’s block is by imagining the scenes of my stories from beginning to end. Sometimes when I’m alone (or at least when I’m sure I’m alone), I’ll do a back and forth dialogue between characters out loud. If it wasn’t for this method, the characters in my current novel Fireball Nightmare would all be two-dimensional wash-ups. It’s supposed to be a fast-paced bloodbath, but stories and emotions are just as important as the high-octane violence, if not more so.
Q: What’s your advice for aspiring writers?
A: Listen to your heart. Write about things you feel are important to you. Taking advice from others is okay and often recommended, but ultimately, you’re the one who makes the final decision on your writing, not the audience, not the editors, not the admins, just you and you alone. If somebody tells you your writing sucks, put as much distance as possible between yourself and that person. Nobody has the right to bring you down. If you still feel like your writing sucks, then keep working on it until it doesn’t. Never give up hope.
Q: How do you get inspired to write?
A: I draw inspiration from a lot of different sources whether they’re from other books or not. I’m a huge fan of heavy metal music and I often use it to channel aggressive feelings in my writing, especially during scenes of violence. I’m also a fan of professional wrestling as evidenced in my 2014 dark fantasy e-book Brawl-Mart. People like to criticize wrestling for being “fake” and I always tell them that Harry Potter is also fake, yet nobody’s complaining. Yet another source of creative fuel comes from the computer game Diablo II: Lord of Destruction. If it wasn’t for that game, I wouldn’t have such a fascination with barbarians. Deus Shadowheart, the main character of Fireball Nightmare, probably wouldn’t be a barbarian or even in existence if it wasn’t for Diablo II.
Q: Where did you get the idea for your most recent book?
A: When I was a child, I loved playing with Legos and I had a set from the pirate franchise that was a volcano with a swinging skull door in front. I called this set the Volcano of Doom and it has since been the inspiration for the main deity of Fireball Nightmare, Vahd (which is just a respelling of the acronym for Volcano of Doom (VOD)). Realistically, Fireball Nightmare is just an excuse for me to use a favorite barbarian character of mine named Deus Shadowheart and an idea I had for a dark fantasy apocalyptic role-playing game I made up called Valley of the Damned. When two kick-ass things come together, it’s instant magic. The makers of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup know this very well.
Q: Describe your desk.
A: It’s a hand-me-down from my older brother and has been in my possession since 2008. I have to be careful with it because it’s small and shakes easily. The upper tier has my computer screen, pencils, flash drives, and tissues on it. The middle tier holds my fan, house phone, speakers, tape player, keyboard, and sometimes a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. The bottom tier is where my computer tower, printer, and power strips are located. In addition to writing stories and poetry, my rickety desk has also been used to draw some…interesting pictures.
Q: Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
A: I’ve lived in many places over the course of my childhood, but the one place where reality hit me the hardest was when I was going to high school in Chehalis, Washington. My freshman year was best known for the verbal bullying I have endured and almost committed suicide over. Due to the crippling PTSD (and eventual schizophrenia) I’ve suffered, most of my writing is influenced by dark and disturbing themes such as death, bullying, mental sickness, sex, and violence. I do have lighthearted stories in my archives, but I will always be known as an R-rated author.
Q: When did you first start writing?
A: I’ve been writing all of my life, but the time when I started taking it seriously was January of 2002. My first writing project was a videogame idea called Final Fantasy Hardcore. It had the same magical premise and romantic leanings as the games in the Final Fantasy series, but it was set in a dystopian future and had tons of mature content. My two favorite characters from this series are a charismatic barbarian named Deus Shadowheart and a perverted scientist named Dr. Scott Cain. Ever since scrapping Final Fantasy Hardcore, I’ve been trying to find a story for those two to be a part of. I think I’ve finally nailed it with a dark fantasy novel I’m currently writing called “Fireball Nightmare”.
Q: What’s the story behind your latest book?
A: My most recently published e-book as of now is American Darkness, which isn’t really a novel, but a collection of emotional short stories in a contemporary setting. There are 22 different stories jammed in this anthology, but the pride and joy of this series is one called “Another Brick in the Wall”, which obviously takes its name from the Pink Floyd songs. It is a classic verbal confrontation between a strict US History teacher named Sid McDonnell and a stressed out student named Sam Keith. This is a scenario I have always fantasized about, especially considering I had some rather unsavory teachers in high school and college who deserved a tongue-lashing.
Q: What motivated you to become an indie author?
A: My circumstances were the reason I chose self-publishing over traditional. I live in a town called Port Orchard, where young adult writers don’t have an outlet for their creativity. If I wanted to go somewhere to fulfill that need, it would have to be either Seattle, Bellingham, or Tacoma, all three of which are big cities that are too hard to get to. I don’t have a car or a driver’s license, so I have to depend on others for transportation. The people in my family who have driver’s licenses have schedules of their own and can’t ferry me to the big cities on a daily basis. Instead of stressing myself out by traveling to the big cities, I choose to use the internet to make my presence known. I have a lot of work to do in order to market myself, but I wouldn’t have self-published if I didn’t believe I could do it.
Q: How has Smash Words contributed to your success?
A: I haven’t sold very many e-books yet, but when the money starts rolling in, it will be because I chose Smash Words. Simply having a place where my writing can be immortalized is good enough for me. I write regularly on Deviant Art, Good Reads, Blogger, and Face Book. Smash Words is different from these places because it gives me a platform to organize my writing into a tangible product instead of just bits and pieces. Sometimes people need to see the bigger picture in order to make a decision about whether to be a member of an author’s audience.
Q: What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
A: Exercising my creativity is always a fun part of the business, but my favorite part comes from the feeling of accomplishment I get after I write something. I have taken something from my screwed up psyche and made something beautiful out of it. I liken this to the scene in the musical Pink Floyd the Wall where the main character smashes his hotel room in a fit of rage and afterwards makes a piece of art out of the remains. It’s a creepy way to think of my accomplishments, but then again, lots of creepy things go on in my mind.
Q: What do your fans mean to you?
A: My fans mean everything to me. Every time they give me a compliment or critique on my writing, it helps me become a better writer. Even if it’s a short compliment like “very well-written”, it’s enough to boost my confidence to continue putting myself out there. I’m shy at first, but when I begin to get comfortable with a group of people, we do so much for each other.
Q: What are you working on next?
A: It’s a dark fantasy novel called Fireball Nightmare. The first act, which is known as This Is Violence, deals with a forest-dwelling barbarian named Deus Shadowheart who will go to extreme means to protect his home from city developers. The main reason he does this is because he is a servant of the volcanic mountain god Vahd, who will erupt into apocalyptic fire if his forest is destroyed. The second act is called Valley of the Damned, but I won’t get into it right now because too much of the plot will have been revealed.
Q: Who are your favorite authors?
A: This is going to sound ironic coming from a lifelong writer, but I didn’t actually become a bookworm until 2009 when I picked up a copy of The Cleaner by Brett Battles. The books I read in college were slow-paced and dull while The Cleaner was exciting and quick. It’s because of this drastic change in pace that Brett Battles will always be my favorite author. Others include fellow introvert Susan Cain, Sherman Alexie, Carl Hiaasen, and Stephen Chbosky. Realistically, I’ll give my patronage to any author who can dictate a fast pace with his or her writing. Bonus points to go to any author who can almost bring me to tears. I haven’t cried since 2007, but I came very close to doing so with many of the authors I’ve read books from, particularly Stephen Chbosky.
Q: What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
A: To be honest, I don’t have much of a professional or social life in my small town of Port Orchard, Washington. To put it bluntly, I’m unemployed and have very few friends. I don’t have much of a reason to get out of bed every day, so the closest thing to inspiration I have is walking to the grocery store to get three giant bottles of Diet Mountain Dew. Walking is a fun exercise that helps me clear my mind, but more importantly, it’s an opportunity to rock out to heavy metal music on my MP3 player.