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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member Garrison KellyMale/United States Recent Activity
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I want to talk about something I’ve been too embarrassed to say anything about for the longest time. The reason this is an embarrassing topic for me is because I’ve always been afraid of it not being a “real” problem when there are “millions of starving kids around the world” or some crazy shit like that. To me it always seemed immature to express feelings about this problem. I’m breaking the chains and taking the muzzle off for this topic. The topic for tonight’s journal is…multiple crushes.

Let me paint you a picture of why this is a real thing. You’re watching TV and the actress who plays the tough-minded assassin is so beautiful and appealing that you’re instantly attached to her. You’re not just a fan. You’re not even a super fan. You’re a zealot. You’d do anything to improve yourself for the sake of this gorgeous actress. But when the realization sets in that you’ll never have her, you become depressed. Those sad feelings are addictive. You need to see more of that actress and you feel those feelings of loss over and over again. And once it’s all over, you still need more.

And then the next day, you buy a CD of a heavy metal band with a female lead singer. She too is so beautiful to you that you’re emotionally invested. And then you watch WWE on TV and see a female wrestler that you like so much. And then you’re playing a videogame with a hot chick and you’re attached to her as well. Pretty soon, it becomes a long list of crushes and the depressive feelings from earlier are amplified, therefore giving you more of what you’re addicted to. You keep asking yourself what true happiness is, all while being crushed underneath the sadness of not having at least one of these crushes to yourself because you have nothing to offer them except mindless zeal.

This is a familiar pattern for someone like me. I’m one of the many people out there who has a long list of crushes and unresolved feelings of isolation and loneliness. It started in 2004 with Motoko Kusanagi from Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. It continued in 2006 with Tarja Turunen, the now former lead singer from Nightwish. It got worse in 2009 with Ziva David from NCIS. And now in the present day, we’ve got Charlee Brooks, a new age singer who did the ultra-sad song Slip Away with David Arkenstone. There are many more names to add to this list, but these ones will suffice for the sake of brevity.

If anybody other than me has this addictive habit, then I don’t want you to be afraid to talk about it. I won’t judge you for it. I won’t think of you as immature. I won’t contrast your problems to third world crises. I will listen and hopefully offer you the comfort you need. You may feel lonely, either from not having many people to turn to, or from the sad feelings of never having your crushes’ attention. That’s what your addiction wants you to think. The truth is, you’re never alone. You have me. You have your friends. You have your family. Don’t torture yourself any longer. Be free of your demons. Let your soul fly free.



Truth is, I don’t know when this journal is going to be posted due to Deviant Art not loading for a lot of their members, including me. If Halloween is already over by the time this journal makes it online, then I hope it was a good one. If not, then I wish you a Happy Halloween. I won’t be going as Luigi this year because my outfit no longer fits me on account of gaining weight. As a result, any candy I accumulate will be given to Reina. As far as my costume goes, I’ve randomly thrown together a fedora, a leather jacket, jeans, a red sweatshirt, a Rey Mysterio mask, and a snake staff. I’ve thought of this costume as a weird combination between a wizard and a gangster. Reina and Susan think I look like a creepy pimp. I hope they get pictures nonetheless.



There are three posts coming up I’d like to tell everybody about. First one is in the characters category and it deals with Tina Bryan, the ultra sexy lesbian heavy metal guitarist from Hardcore Hell. Second one is from the movie and TV show reviews category and it deals with the first Clerks movie, which is all about geeky references, infidelity, and vulgar jokes; in other words, the good stuff in life. And then there will be a review of Diablo III: The Order on the horizon. I’m currently on page 328 and it’s a 464 page book. Whenever I get close to the end, I speed up until it’s over. When I’m near the beginning, I’m slower than a turtle crawling through maple syrup. Diablo III: The Order has been particularly slow because it’s so descriptive and it takes a lot of mental energy to absorb the writing style. Despite the draining speed, I love the book to death and I plan on giving it high praise when I finish it.



“I got fired in Las Vegas at the Frontier Hotel for saying ‘shit’ in a town where the big game is called Craps. That’s some kind of a double standard. I’m sure they have some Texan there who says, ‘Aw, shit, I crapped!’ They fly those guys in for free. They fire me. Shit.”

-George Carlin-

  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Pigs on the Wing by Pink Floyd
  • Reading: Diablo III: The Order by Nate Kenyon
  • Watching: The Rachel Maddow Show
  • Playing: Piano
  • Eating: Ham Sandwiches
  • Drinking: Diet Mountain Dew


Garrison Kelly
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
My novels are available on Smash Words, Sony, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple, Page Foundry, Baker & Taylor, txtr, Oyster, Flipkart, and Scribd. American Darkness is available on Amazon and Lulu as well.

American Darkness (contemporary drama anthology)

Brawl Mart (urban fantasy novel)

Confessions of a Schizophrenic Savage (poetry and song anthology)

Garrison’s Library:

Sitka: June 19th, 2014 Cat of the Day:…

Q: How do you deal with writer’s block?
A: My favorite way to deal with writer’s block is by imagining the scenes of my stories from beginning to end. Sometimes when I’m alone (or at least when I’m sure I’m alone), I’ll do a back and forth dialogue between characters out loud. If it wasn’t for this method, the characters in my current novel Fireball Nightmare would all be two-dimensional wash-ups. It’s supposed to be a fast-paced bloodbath, but stories and emotions are just as important as the high-octane violence, if not more so.

Q: What’s your advice for aspiring writers?
A: Listen to your heart. Write about things you feel are important to you. Taking advice from others is okay and often recommended, but ultimately, you’re the one who makes the final decision on your writing, not the audience, not the editors, not the admins, just you and you alone. If somebody tells you your writing sucks, put as much distance as possible between yourself and that person. Nobody has the right to bring you down. If you still feel like your writing sucks, then keep working on it until it doesn’t. Never give up hope.

Q: How do you get inspired to write?
A: I draw inspiration from a lot of different sources whether they’re from other books or not. I’m a huge fan of heavy metal music and I often use it to channel aggressive feelings in my writing, especially during scenes of violence. I’m also a fan of professional wrestling as evidenced in my 2014 dark fantasy e-book Brawl-Mart. People like to criticize wrestling for being “fake” and I always tell them that Harry Potter is also fake, yet nobody’s complaining. Yet another source of creative fuel comes from the computer game Diablo II: Lord of Destruction. If it wasn’t for that game, I wouldn’t have such a fascination with barbarians. Deus Shadowheart, the main character of Fireball Nightmare, probably wouldn’t be a barbarian or even in existence if it wasn’t for Diablo II.

Q: Where did you get the idea for your most recent book?
A: When I was a child, I loved playing with Legos and I had a set from the pirate franchise that was a volcano with a swinging skull door in front. I called this set the Volcano of Doom and it has since been the inspiration for the main deity of Fireball Nightmare, Vahd (which is just a respelling of the acronym for Volcano of Doom (VOD)). Realistically, Fireball Nightmare is just an excuse for me to use a favorite barbarian character of mine named Deus Shadowheart and an idea I had for a dark fantasy apocalyptic role-playing game I made up called Valley of the Damned. When two kick-ass things come together, it’s instant magic. The makers of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup know this very well.

Q: Describe your desk.
A: It’s a hand-me-down from my older brother and has been in my possession since 2008. I have to be careful with it because it’s small and shakes easily. The upper tier has my computer screen, pencils, flash drives, and tissues on it. The middle tier holds my fan, house phone, speakers, tape player, keyboard, and sometimes a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. The bottom tier is where my computer tower, printer, and power strips are located. In addition to writing stories and poetry, my rickety desk has also been used to draw some…interesting pictures.

Q: Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
A: I’ve lived in many places over the course of my childhood, but the one place where reality hit me the hardest was when I was going to high school in Chehalis, Washington. My freshman year was best known for the verbal bullying I have endured and almost committed suicide over. Due to the crippling PTSD (and eventual schizophrenia) I’ve suffered, most of my writing is influenced by dark and disturbing themes such as death, bullying, mental sickness, sex, and violence. I do have lighthearted stories in my archives, but I will always be known as an R-rated author.

Q: When did you first start writing?
A: I’ve been writing all of my life, but the time when I started taking it seriously was January of 2002. My first writing project was a videogame idea called Final Fantasy Hardcore. It had the same magical premise and romantic leanings as the games in the Final Fantasy series, but it was set in a dystopian future and had tons of mature content. My two favorite characters from this series are a charismatic barbarian named Deus Shadowheart and a perverted scientist named Dr. Scott Cain. Ever since scrapping Final Fantasy Hardcore, I’ve been trying to find a story for those two to be a part of. I think I’ve finally nailed it with a dark fantasy novel I’m currently writing called “Fireball Nightmare”.

Q: What’s the story behind your latest book?
A: My most recently published e-book as of now is American Darkness, which isn’t really a novel, but a collection of emotional short stories in a contemporary setting. There are 22 different stories jammed in this anthology, but the pride and joy of this series is one called “Another Brick in the Wall”, which obviously takes its name from the Pink Floyd songs. It is a classic verbal confrontation between a strict US History teacher named Sid McDonnell and a stressed out student named Sam Keith. This is a scenario I have always fantasized about, especially considering I had some rather unsavory teachers in high school and college who deserved a tongue-lashing.

Q: What motivated you to become an indie author?
A: My circumstances were the reason I chose self-publishing over traditional. I live in a town called Port Orchard, where young adult writers don’t have an outlet for their creativity. If I wanted to go somewhere to fulfill that need, it would have to be either Seattle, Bellingham, or Tacoma, all three of which are big cities that are too hard to get to. I don’t have a car or a driver’s license, so I have to depend on others for transportation. The people in my family who have driver’s licenses have schedules of their own and can’t ferry me to the big cities on a daily basis. Instead of stressing myself out by traveling to the big cities, I choose to use the internet to make my presence known. I have a lot of work to do in order to market myself, but I wouldn’t have self-published if I didn’t believe I could do it.

Q: How has Smash Words contributed to your success?
A: I haven’t sold very many e-books yet, but when the money starts rolling in, it will be because I chose Smash Words. Simply having a place where my writing can be immortalized is good enough for me. I write regularly on Deviant Art, Good Reads, Blogger, and Face Book. Smash Words is different from these places because it gives me a platform to organize my writing into a tangible product instead of just bits and pieces. Sometimes people need to see the bigger picture in order to make a decision about whether to be a member of an author’s audience.

Q: What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
A: Exercising my creativity is always a fun part of the business, but my favorite part comes from the feeling of accomplishment I get after I write something. I have taken something from my screwed up psyche and made something beautiful out of it. I liken this to the scene in the musical Pink Floyd the Wall where the main character smashes his hotel room in a fit of rage and afterwards makes a piece of art out of the remains. It’s a creepy way to think of my accomplishments, but then again, lots of creepy things go on in my mind.

Q: What do your fans mean to you?
A: My fans mean everything to me. Every time they give me a compliment or critique on my writing, it helps me become a better writer. Even if it’s a short compliment like “very well-written”, it’s enough to boost my confidence to continue putting myself out there. I’m shy at first, but when I begin to get comfortable with a group of people, we do so much for each other.

Q: What are you working on next?
A: It’s a dark fantasy novel called Fireball Nightmare. The first act, which is known as This Is Violence, deals with a forest-dwelling barbarian named Deus Shadowheart who will go to extreme means to protect his home from city developers. The main reason he does this is because he is a servant of the volcanic mountain god Vahd, who will erupt into apocalyptic fire if his forest is destroyed. The second act is called Valley of the Damned, but I won’t get into it right now because too much of the plot will have been revealed.

Q: Who are your favorite authors?
A: This is going to sound ironic coming from a lifelong writer, but I didn’t actually become a bookworm until 2009 when I picked up a copy of The Cleaner by Brett Battles. The books I read in college were slow-paced and dull while The Cleaner was exciting and quick. It’s because of this drastic change in pace that Brett Battles will always be my favorite author. Others include fellow introvert Susan Cain, Sherman Alexie, Carl Hiaasen, and Stephen Chbosky. Realistically, I’ll give my patronage to any author who can dictate a fast pace with his or her writing. Bonus points to go to any author who can almost bring me to tears. I haven’t cried since 2007, but I came very close to doing so with many of the authors I’ve read books from, particularly Stephen Chbosky.

Q: What inspires you to get out of bed each day?
A: To be honest, I don’t have much of a professional or social life in my small town of Port Orchard, Washington. To put it bluntly, I’m unemployed and have very few friends. I don’t have much of a reason to get out of bed every day, so the closest thing to inspiration I have is walking to the grocery store to get three giant bottles of Diet Mountain Dew. Walking is a fun exercise that helps me clear my mind, but more importantly, it’s an opportunity to rock out to heavy metal music on my MP3 player.



Add a Comment:
velvetfingertips Featured By Owner 1 day ago  New member Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the watch, Garrison! :heart:
Garrison-Kelly Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, Kit-Kat! ^_^
velvetfingertips Featured By Owner 1 day ago  New member Hobbyist Writer
Garrison-Kelly Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Writer
(1 Reply)
saffronpanther Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Meet Everest, the newest member of PAW Patrol.…
Garrison-Kelly Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Writer
What a cute puppy smile! ^_^
saffronpanther Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed, heh. I have not yet seen her debut episode, but I am intrigued, due to her being a husky. Although it's kinda funny in hindsight, considering how several PAW Patrol OCs I saw were huskies.
Garrison-Kelly Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Writer
Huskies are such fuzz buckets. ^_^
(1 Reply)
MarshmallowGardener Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Hello my friend <3  
Garrison-Kelly Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there, Sophie-Pie! How are you? ^_^
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